Taking stock of my actions

I was thinking this morning, how much of what I do is for the benefit of someone else? What I mean is, do I do certain things to show off, to get people to like me more, to make myself seem like someone I'm not? Would I do or say all the things I do if I didn't have an audience?

I don't think I would! And it's not like I'm being deliberately disingenuous, but every now and then I find myself making a plan or saying something so that it will show someone else what a cool person I am, or how enlightened I am, or how creative, or some other such nonsense.

Let me give you an example. Not too long ago I wanted to see a certain old friend of mine. But not just for the sake of seeing each other and catching up, but so I could introduce a new friend to her. And not even so THEY could be friends, but so that the new friend could see that I had really awesome people in my life, and would like me more. "See, I'm really cool because this person is friends with me! Now don't you REALLY love me?"

And there have been other instances where I've said something particularly quirky on purpose so that people think I'm creative when I'm really not. Or I will hold back on acting a certain way so people don't make assumptions about me based on that action, even though it's part of who I really am.

I might be a big fake. This is kind of disconcerting.