I just want to rewind...
Sometimes I hate the person I've turned into. Or maybe I hate that I haven't turned into anything at all. I make the same mistakes over and over again, never learning, never changing, never getting better.
I'm a hypocrite who does things I hate other people for. I push people away who for some reason want to be near me, and I'm never there when people need me. I'm utterly selfish, childish, insensitive, and unapologetic. Completely self-absorbed. I don't even know how to stop, but I really want to. I don't want to be like this anymore.
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I think that you are being hard on yourself. But if you are really having those feelings then I think you should go talk to someone, it can't hurt.
I would like to say that I pour my heart out on here with no filter when it comes to stuff like this, and I say it immediately as I feel it. So in real life I'm not really wandering around feeling so miserable all the time. You know how you get in a mood sometimes? When I do, the whole world knows it.
I will admit, I still haven't quite gotten to the bottom of why I tell everyone on here! I keep coming back to, "we're all in this together, no secrets, no feeling all alone." Who knows. Maybe I just want everyone to throw a pity party for me. :-P
Pretty soon the sissters will be out there to cheer you up. The little girl wants to know why she wasn't invited. Hope you are feeling better. Love you, MOM
Freckles never got to see the nation's capital, either. :-(
hey............ thats not fair. Ginger you are not like that. you only assume you are selfish and etc. i don't think your problem is any of those. i guess u feel that not every body should like u and some should hate your guts. i wouldn't know but i guess you should miss that feeling sometimes. i got some bad news for you : YOU ARE LOVELY, ppl cant stop liking u missy!! sorry ;)!!!
"I must learn to love the fool in me -- the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool."
-Theodore I. Rubin
I think it's going around -- both the dysfunction and the bitter realization of it as well as the feeling stuck and not knowing HOW to make it stop.
You are the way you are, and everyone that is around you loves you. Especially me!!! I love you for all those reasons and more.
I can't wait to come and see you!
Heart YOU