Oh you guys, it hurts so bad still
It just hurts everywhere,
how can Wyatt really be gone? How can he not be here anymore?
I got out of class on Wednesday and wanted to call him to hang out. I scroll to his number but I can't call it.
When will I get used to it? When won't it be a natural reaction to want to tell him something? What do I do when it's not?
Why us? Were we bad? Why Wyatt? How can it still hurt so much?
I'm so tired and I miss my family, all of us, like we used to be.
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I'm sorry you are feeling bad Ginger. I know how you feel. There is just no way to ever make sense of life. I was trying to explain the way life feels to me now. It is hard to describe. It is like our future was a chalkboard with a future mapped out for our family. And now it is all erased. Or it is like a mirror with a reflection of our family that has been dropped and shattered into a thousand pieces. It can't be put back together. And now that I really know that nothing is safe in life I don't even want to attempt to have a new future. I just live day to day. It isn't so bad that way. Each day holds it's own mystery and it will never be repeated. Staying in the present is a good way to live. We have lost our innocence in living. We know the truth now and we can't go back to the Camelot we once lived as a family. It's sad but true. I love you. We still have each other for now.
Not gonna lie, it's no fun to read your blog. And it's no fun to sit at my desk and cry. THANK YOU.
I'm so sorry. I lost a cousin, Adam, about your brother's age, in a sudden accident. It was almost fifteen years ago, and I've watched my aunt and uncle and cousin (his brother) cope. It was hard for them, really, really hard. It still is. But life eventually brings good things, too; my living cousin's wedding, his beautiful children, trips abroad, all sorts of new people (including his bride's family), new pets, new shared memories, new family stories -- new family history. I know Adam's parents and brother feel sadness that will never go away -- we all find it hard to believe sometimes. They still talk about him and they still think about him, but they focus on the good things that life brings, and the time they did have with Adam. The good things in life pile up and start to outweigh the bad. Soon you're thinking about those new things as much as you think about the past and the future without the person you love. It doesn't hurt less, but the pie gets bigger and the things to be happy about start to outweigh the things to be sad about.
ginger, i know how you feel, i wanna email him sometimes and tell him something, but i know i wont get a responce, and i cant tell you how many nights ive just sat there looking at pictures of me and him and just think to myself "it cant be real", and i have his football jersey from Hamlin, i cant look at it w/ out cryin because i miss him so freakin much, i dont think ill ever get over it.