Self destruction is not helpful
Yesterday was one month since my only brother was killed. It went fast. Now life is going to start going faster and faster and he'll get further and further away. I didn't mean to, but I got drunk by myself in my apartment yesterday evening. I didn't have supper, I just kept drinking. Then Nabil stopped by, and I yelled at him for no reason. I was snotty to Kyla about Christmas presents. I cried and felt so sorry for myself. I didn't return phone calls. I threw my scrambled eggs across the room. There was some still stuck on the wall this morning. I was a basketcase. Today I'm trying to be better. I'm sorry to my friends and I'm sorry to my family and I'm sorry to myself. I know isolation is not what I need. I'm trying to be better. I need to stop making everything about me. This is not about me, it's about Wyatt. I'm selfish, and I'm sorry.
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Ginger you never need to be sorry for the way you feel. everything youre going thru is understandable. now, i dont approve of you drinking alone or isolating yourself, but you know that. we all love you and are trying to be here for you....we all will continue to do that no matter what you throw at us. (no pun intended here) i love you!
Gin - it is about you, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Grief is about the people left behind. We are the one's who are left with the pain, the loss and the questions. Grief is not self-indulgence; even the most seriously twisted mind would not willingly invite into into their lives. It is forced on us against our will. Your life has changed dramatically and it takes a long time to adjust to the sort of inner crisis that you are facing right now. So you don't have to apologize - it's grief, it hurts and it makes you do and say lots of crazy shit. Anyone who doesn't understand that and give you a break should STFU.