What about when I can't hear his voice anymore?

I know Ginger...

Oh Kyla, I miss our old life.

Oh Ginger, I feel so bad for you. If there was just some way I could take everyone elses pain and bear it all alone, you know I'd do it in a heartbeat. I can't wait to hug you again. Mom and I are as close as the phone.

What is Death?

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well.

-- Henry Scott Holland
1847-1918, Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral

OH Ginger My Heart hurts so bad for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is just so awful.

Just wanted to tell you I love ya and that I am always here if you need anything at all. I can't wait until you come and visit us. :) Even though we just saw each other in October it still feels like forever ago.

I wish I could say or write something that would bring you some small comfort or relief. You are one of my dearest friends and it is almost unbearable seeing you suffer such torment. Though I bring no comfort, I can, and will, stand vigil with you during your dark night of the soul. You are not alone.

Love and hugs.

Ginger-
I remember when my only brother-20 years old- was killed...I remember when the phone call came to our house at 11:45 on a Saturday night, July 19th ... I remember my mother taking the phone call and screaming ... I remember being told the insensitive way she was told .. I remember he was the 110 person killed in a car accident that year ...
I remember all the people coming to the house ... I remember the huge hail storm and the dense fog caused by the hail storm .. I remember everytime I see fog like that since, how scared I get ... And I especially remember how after everyone had left, how hard it was. And all of that was when I was 13 years old. And for an old fart like me, that was a long time ago...1958! It was like it happened last night.
And I remember trying to put things back to normal and how I just never could do that because normal after that 11:45 phone call would never be the same again. And as I grew older I think what I found myself doing was creating a new normal.. New friends, college, Bonnie, job, Nate, etc. Actually a lot of etc. And I can remember the day of the funeral thinking - I wished it was ten years from now and even fifty years from now because the pain wouldn't be so bad. And now it is almost fifty years, and I think how I never got to get old with my brother and see his kids and how he could see mine. The pain almost fifty years later isn't as sharp as is was in 1958, but it is still there, just different that's all.
So what does this all mean? The hell if I know. I just don't understand it. But I do know this - Ginger - I think the world of you and I think you know that. I think it all started that day when you were in the 7th grade and I took you and the other "healthest" kids in school to Valley Fair. I would like to think that we somehow bonded that day, and even though it was probably a pretty embarrassing day for you and in the total scheme of things a pretty small thing, something good came of it.
And I want you to know this - that I am thinking of you, that after reading your blog I can almost feel your pain and that if I can create a new normal so can you.

I love you Ginger, and I think about you all the time! Call if you need anything.

Ginger, I am crying. I look at Wyatt's site almost daily to look at any new pictures, condolences etc.

I can't imagine how you are feeling. The closest I've ever came to it was when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and it wasn't a very good outlook for a young 64 year old. She died several months later. I just remember when she was diagnosed waking up every day and the same sick feelings would wash over me. It was weird how everything and everyone around you just keeps acting like normal. I mean come on people this is someone who is dying/this is death.

Of course no one can be inside of you feeling what you are feeling.

The loss of a mother is the natural order of things. A brother or son lost in a tragic accident is not. The sick heartwrenching feelings must be magnified by 100.

Wyatt will always, always be in your heart. And maybe you don't want to hear this, but I have to believe something good has to happen. Otherwise, it's too hard to understand. Wyatt touched a lot of people. He is an inspiration. He makes me hug my kids more often, he makes me be more patient. He makes my son think about what he should do with his life.

You are right. Life won't be the same without Wyatt.

Feel my hug.

Kelley

Ginger,

I know there's nothing that I can say to you that will mean anything significant right now. I just want to let you know that anything that you need, even to talk at 3:00 in the morning because you couldn't sleep. Call me. Please don't ever think that you are being unreasonable, it never is unreasonable to feel the way you do. If you are angry, shout it out. I can't imagine being in your shoes right now. I will always be here for you as you had for me in the past. I’m so sorry that you and your family are in so much pain.

With much love and hugs.

Ginger-
As I read your posts it many memories come back to both good and bad. I will never for get the day my brother died. I will never forget how I felt how mad I was at the world and how God could take my brother from me? What did I do to desirve this? Why was this happening to my family? And I still don't know why? And I may never understand fully why he is gone. I fell the same way about things that wil happen to me or that have happened to me. I know about a month after Cami was born I just broke down because I relized she would never meet Cole and that I don't know how I will ever be able to tell her everything about him? what if i forget something? then the more i thought about it i started to write. i wrote down ever little detail i could remember about him and put in a her baby book so someday she will know who he was. I will never forget his face, his smile, or personality.
And you won't ever forget either and their is nothing wrong with that. remember! hold all those memories close to you! and share them with anyone that will listen. i am thinking of you always!

love-

hollie

Ginger and Family,

My name is Kristin, and I'm scheduled to leave for Zambia as a PCT next month. While searching the web, I read about the tragic loss of your brother. I too, have lost my irreplacable only brother in a situation very similar to Wyatt's. I've debated about writing you and your sisters a letter, but declined until now, remembering that during that time, it was my absolute pet-peeve when people who were separated from the situation, or met my brother once gave me their "sincere condonences." blah.. Especially if it involved some sort of lame poetry picked up at a hallmark store. I wanted to punch them in the face. I am not writing you with any clever/rosy sentiments about how life will be back to normal before you know it, as it won't, but simply to say that I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's not fair, and you're right in everything you stated in your post. I had similar thoughts after he died, but you conveyed them better in this post than I ever could/did. It's coming up on ten years this summer since he died, and I am now older than my "big brother" who is forever stuck at 20 years old. I think about him everyday, and don't imagine that will ever change. For what it's worth, I can now look back on our memories and chuckle a bit to myself, but he is surely not forgotten. Again, I just wanted to let you know that even though I don't know you or your family, I feel for your situation, and am sorry you have to experience it.

Ginger:

I have never met you or your family but I have been reading your blog for at least a year now. I found a link to your blog when visiting another blog and I found Wyatt's blog by visiting your blog. I looked forward to reading Wyatt's tales of his adventures and although I am a stranger to you and yours, I wanted to share with you that Wyatt inspired me. Every update to his blog was something I looked forward to because he was living a life that I have never lived. I just wanted you to know that Wyatt will be missed even by those of us that only knew him through his musings on the internet. I am so very sorry for your loss.

When we lose someone we love it seems that time stands still. What moves through us is a silence... a quiet sadness... A longing for one more day... one more word... one more touch... We may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget. We will see you again some day, in a heavenly place where there is no parting. A place where there are no words that mean good-bye.
-Unknown

your feelings are not, in any way, unreasonable, ginger...

Ginger,
I don't know you or your family, but I occasionally read your blog. I know exactly what you are going through because I lost my brother in sudden, tragic circumstances a few years ago. The pain never goes away but you eventually learn to live with it. I still see something in a store and almost buy it for my brother, and I'm still shocked when I visit home and there are only three places at the dinner table. We talk about him often and tell funny stories about his life to keep his spirit alive. I encourage you and your family to do the same. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better, but remember how many people love you and your family and how many people adored Wyatt, and use that love to help you heal a little bit every day. Sincerest condolences from someone who feels your pain.

Ginger,

It was good to see you tonight. There are no words at this points and I am sure you're tired of people telling you that "everything will be ok." We all miss him hun.

Call me if you need anything and know that we need you just as much.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Hi Ginger, I found your blog today after listening to an old podcast of the Radiolab show where they talk about life after death, or the lack thereof. They interview your mom on the show.

I'm similarly inclined to stay out of touch with my family. I can relate. I don't know why. My brother was just diagnosed with colon cancer, causing the first conversation between us in 6 years-- when my mother died.

DB

I came upon Wyatt's story from the Radiolab. This is so sad that I can't stop crying. I'm just so.. sorry. With every bit of me, I'm sorry that you have had to go through that, and are still. All of his family and friends.